Alice's Underthings
by Rutoh-Chan
Summary: While cleaning up the tea party, the Hatter is reminded of the Small Alice that he shoved into a teapot.
1. Slippery Slope

_A collaboration between myself and my beta, Will. Enjoy.  
_

* * *

The Frabjous Day party was in full swing when the Hatter snuck off. Somehow, despite finally bring about the downfall of the Bloody Big Head, he just didn't feel like celebrating. Besides, there were things to do, now that Time had forgiven him and started moving again, and he didn't want to offend the poor fellow so shortly after being forgiven- he might really be stuck at tea forever next time.

Thinking of tea, he realized that the Tea Party clearing was in very, very bad disarray. It would need to be tidied up before they could use the tables again. He set off in the direction of Thackery's house.

Tarrant had never been too good with cleaning, but decided the best way to get rid of this mess would be to save any tea-worthy china and then bundle up the rest in the stained table cloths and start afresh.

So he had- beginning at the first table he came to when he stepped out of the clearing, he set to work dumping plates of pastries onto the cloth and stacking the plates on a chair. He added serving bowls and tea cups and saucers and cream pots and sugar bowls and sugar tongs and teaspoons and teapots to the pile, stacking them in a crazy, precarious tower that looked ready to fall at any moment. When all the still-useful items had been cleared away, he gave the tablecloth a sharp tug, pulling it from the table with a satisfying crunch of broken china. Then he tied it up tight, swung it a few times round his head, and released it. The improvised sack flew into the forest, broken tea cups and smashed tarts flying from the poorly tied top to splatter and smash across the tree trunks as Hatter laughed.

He went on to the next table and repeated the process, happily flinging food down with relish, pouring cold tea onto the tabletop, and stacking the china in even more improbable towers. A second stained and dirty tablecloth sailed away into the trees, soon followed by a third as the Hatter worked himself up into a cleaning frenzy.

He had almost finished the fourth and final table when he came to the teapot before his own seat. He upturned it, expecting tea to splash all over the cloth, but instead a large quantity of thin, silky blue cloth fluttered out and pooled on the table.

The Hatter froze, teapot still raised, and stared at it.

He hadn't expected this. He'd quite forgotten about it, in fact. It had only been three days, but it felt like months ago that he had shrunk a Small Alice even further and stuffed her- oversized dress and all- into the teapot to hide her from the Knave of Hearts. He'd made her a Tiny Alice dress from a scrap he'd pulled out, but the rest had been left, forgotten, in the teapot.

Hesitantly, Hatter placed the teapot back on the table. He reached one hand out for the fabric, snatched it back as though the innocent blue cloth had suddenly grown fangs and snapped at him, and finally picked it up. With the material in his hands and all thoughts of cleaning driven from his mind, he sunk into his customary armchair.

He ran the length of fabric back and forth through his hands. A little piece of Alice. He had a little piece of Alice all of his own now. And for it to be cloth- something he had definite talent with- was simply marvelous. The possibilities were endless. And it truly was a good piece of cloth too, and a good size.

He could make an Alice Hat with it, or trim an Alice Hat in it. He could make an Alice Dress and use this for trim. He could cut some into little squares and trim them with lace to make Alice Handkerchiefs...

Which he could use while she was gone. He got a sudden little thrill at the thought of being able to carry an Alice Thing around in his pocket. It wouldn't be as good as carrying a Tiny Alice around in his pocket, but it would be nice...

Yes, there really were endless possibilities.

~...~

The Frabjous Day party was in full swing when Mally suddenly realized she couldn't see Hatter anywhere. Deciding this was probably because it was difficult to pick out a specific pair of ankles in a sea of ankles, she had opted to try higher ground. When she couldn't see him from the stool, she tried a chair. When the chair wasn't high enough, she tried the table. It wasn't until she had finally scrambled up into the branches of an obliging cherry tree and still was unable to find his lovely Hat that she began to worry.

He could be somewhere else, going mad. He could be back at the Endless Tea Party Table, waiting for Alice again. He couldn't just sit and wait forever!

So she had enlisted the help of Chess and Thackery, and they had set off to the Tea Party clearing.

The trek there did little to calm Mally's nerves. At first it was just the worry, but when they got close they could see the signs of a fit. Pastries littered the path, shards of china were stuck into tree trunks, and she saw one embroidered (and horribly stained) tea cozy in a bush. But the most ominous thing was the silence. There wasn't a sound from the clearing ahead, despite the victims of the Hatter's rage scattered about.

Finally they broke through the trees. Mally gasped.

The Hatter sat calmly in his chair, still brightly colored, hands moving, and grinning at nothing. His eyes gazed unfocused over the complete mess of the table before him, while the other three were cleared off entirely. He was surrounded by haphazard and dangerously tilted stacks of china which were placed here and there on chairs and occasionally on the ground.

Chess appeared over Hatter's shoulder, peering down at whatever it was he was doing with his hands.

"What have you got there, Tarrant?" the Cat drawled, rolling over to gaze at it upside down. Hatter startled a bit, but lifted the blue cloth up for him to see.

"A bit of Alice." He lisped happily. "An Alice Thing. More properly, an Alice Dress. The dress she was wearing when you brought her. I was thinking of what I could make with it."

Chess chuckled, but didn't explain, his grin widening as he got a good look at the cloth. "_Really?_"

"It's quite a nice, largish bit of silk, you see. No need for it to go to waste sitting in a teapot."

Still worried, and knowing Chess couldn't be trusted to ask the proper questions, Mally butted in. "'Atter, wot 'appened 'ere?"

Hatter startled again, only now noticing the white mouse picking her way around smashed scones and bits of pottery. "Hello, Mally! Spring cleaning!"

"Wot?"

"Now that Time has forgiven me, I decided I had better not Waste him, and hurry and clean the table. We've been having tea so long it was most filthy, and now is as good a Time to start afresh as any."

"But where'd ya go and put all th' linens an' thin's?"

"They were quite spoiled, so I threw them out. I saved the good china though." Hatter pointed and giggled just as a grand crash, followed by clinking echoes sounded. Mally whirled to see Thackery standing by a now collapsed pile, holding a spoon he had rather unwisely extracted from the precarious structure.

"Spoon..." the Hare pronounced, eyeing the piece of silverware with suspicion and mistrust.

"What do you plan on making, Tarrant?" Chess reclaimed the Hatter's attention, reaching out to bat at a ripped and dangling length of trim. Hatter snatched the cloth out of the Cat's reach and clutched it to his chest. He gave Chess a look oddly reminiscent of the one the Hare was giving his spoon, but Chess only grinned wider.

"I'm not certain yet. There's quite a lot, you see, so if I'm careful I may be able to make several things. At first I was thinking about making a hat or a dress for Alice when she returns, but then I thought I might like to make something I can use, to remember her by. Just until she returns."

"Such as...?"

"Well, I could cut some into squares and make handkerchiefs. I could replace the ribbon on my Hat, it's gotten rather ratty lately... I thought about making a pillow case, but that's not quite what I wanted. But I think I shall use at least some of it to make myself and new neckcloth. Wha's sur funny, ye slurvish cat?"

The last came out in growling Outlandish, as Chess had, upon hearing the word 'neckcloth', burst into spasms of uncontrollable laugher, rolling about in the air over Hatter's right shoulder and positively howling. Calming himself slightly, the Cat disappeared and rematerialized on the Hatter's other side.

"I do apologize. I was suddenly struck by the idea of Alice returning to see you dressed in a neckcloth made of _that_."

"An' tha's funny why?"

"Tarrant, please, look at what you are holding. Honestly, with your skills at clothes-making, I'm surprised you haven't noticed."

Confused now, Hatter held up the cloth again, this time turning it so it hung by the shoulders from his hands, once more recognizable as a garment. He rubbed the fabric with his fingers and stared intently. Chess chuckled at the look of dawning comprehension, accompanied by the subtle whitening of the Hatter's already pale skin.

Finally, he lowered his arms ever so slightly, so his face could once again be seen over the neckline of the dress. His eyes were wider than normal as he stared at the smug Cat.

"That's right, Tarrant." Chess drawled, "_That_ is one of Alice's Underthings."

The Hatter dropped the slip like a hot brand.


	2. A Dressing Concern

Chessur always had to ruin everything.

Tarrant stared with mixed horror and chagrin at the pile of blue Underthings that were pooled on the ground. He thought he could hear them scolding him, but that couldn't be right. Alice things were dreadfully quiet. Tarrant had always suspected they were a little afraid of her muchness.

"Distressed?" Chessur asked with a purr, sliding behind Tarrant's head. The Hatter flexed his fingers uncertainly, ignoring the jibe. Mallymkun was not sure her friend had even heard it.

"'Atter, maybe ya should finish yer Spring cleanin'," she tried, gesturing at the mess still sitting on the nearest table. Tarrant blinked once, glanced at the board, looked back at the ground, shuddered once, then smiled awkwardly.

"Yes, yes that's it. Finish the cleaning. Can't be rude to Time, you know. Such a bother to be on bad terms with him."

"Shall I take care of this… trinket?" Chessur asked, evaporating to the fabric, retrieving it, and waving it in Tarrant's face once before shifting to the other end of the clearing. Tarrant made a grab for it with a hiss, but was not quick enough.

"_Chess_," Mally groaned, burying her head in her hands. It was no good teasing Tarrant about The Alice. That was dangerous. But that _slurvish_ cat, always stirring up trouble for his own amusement...

"It's _Alice's_," Tarrant said, in a tone dangerously close to anger. "Not mine and not yours."

"But it's a lovely example of work from above. I can think of any number of people in the White Court that would give their best hat for it," he smirked significantly at that. "Especially since it belonged to the Champion."

Tarrant had jumped on top of the table before the cat had finished speaking and ran towards the floating feline. Chessur let the Hatter get within hands reach before evaporating behind him, sending Tarrant spinning in circles with a chuckling disappearing act.

"Ye treacherous cat! Ye _slurking urpal_-"

"Hatter!" came the scandalized voice of the Queen from behind him. He stopped, sheepish at being caught using such language in front of Mirana. Chessur continued to grin, hovering above him, dropping the slip down in Tarrant's face and causing the Hatter to stutter and trip backwards. Chessur moved next to the queen, folding the garment carefully and offering it to her graciously. She accepted in gracefully.

"It belonged to The Alice. Tarrant wanted to make it into something to remind him of the Champion until she returned."

"Oh?" Mirana answered, glancing at the garment and up at the Hatter, an uncomfortably Knowing look on her face. Tarrant found himself suddenly renewing a much unwanted relationship with both Shame and Embarrassment.

"I hadn't examined it thoroughly," he muttered. "Didn't have time you see, and couldn't just waste an Alice thing, though should have realized sooner, saw her in it didn't I, though I wasn't trying to see her in just it and didn't think on it much at the time what with the slaying to be done and knaves making me use the teapot, but what was Alice doing running around in Under-" He gulped, cutting off his own breathless tirade. "Underland," he finished weakly. The March Hare cackled.

"It's understandable," Mirana soothed, turning to give Chessur an admonishing look. The cat simply continued grinning and dissipated, bored now that the fun was over. "But I'm afraid you can't use this, Hatter. I would be remiss to permit it."

"Fully aware of that, Your Majesty," Tarrant assured her. "Not so mad as to think-"

"Anythin'?" Mally suggested scornfully. Tarrant gave her a reproachful look.

"I _do_ think, Mally. I've dozens of Thoughts, you know. I even have some Plans. And those, you know, require Forethoughts."

Mally harrumphed in disbelief but said nothing else. A thought occurred to her. "If tha's the Alice's Underthin', wots she wearin'?"

The Hatter's eyes grew wide and he looked anxiously at the queen, turning interesting colors. Mirana made an impatient gesture in the air, brushing the concern away.

"Why, she's wearing what she wore when she left, of course. We did dress her properly while she was here, you know."

"That could be something of a problem," the Hatter noted. "Seeing as she hasn't any need for slaying armor Above, and they might be expecting her in- in- in whatever she was wearing when she arrived here firstly."

"Hatter," Mirana chided gently, "do you really believe I would send my Champion anywhere unprepared? The armor is meant to protect her, under any circumstances. If she requires of it a different shape Above to protect her, the armor will know."

"Oh. That is good," he replied in obvious relief. "That is very good. Very good, yes."

"Now, I think Mallymkun mentioned that you were cleaning? I shall return to the palace and put this away in case the Champion should want it again on her return."

The assembly bowed slightly as she twirled gracefully and exited the clearing, stifling a chuckle as she heard the Hatter sigh behind her.

~…~

The tables had been reset, the surviving china placed as neatly as one could expect when Thackery had been in charge of the settings. Tarrant reclined in his usual chair, stirring a cup of tea idly with his finger, humming a mindless tune that had a dreadfully funereal feeling to it. Thackery and Mally had both left him to his sullens, having put up with them for several days already. They hoped and prayed The Alice would return soon. Their friend was not the same without the Champion.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" he murmured, tasting the stirring finger and pouring the tea into his lap. He raised the empty cup to his lips, frowned as he realized its barren state, and began hunting for a teapot that was not full of lukewarm tea.

He found none.

"Why is an Alice always a thing to wait for?" he sighed. The brooding continued for a while longer before a shout called his attention.

"I thought of it, so I'll hand it to 'im."

"You didn't have a thought of it. It was all my idea."

"No. I heard the queen say sommat 'bout first arriving Alice."

"And I remembered the pishsalver and Alice and thought to bring it."

"Not so!"

"Yes it was!"

"No it wasn't!"

"Tweedles!" Hatter interrupted the brothers as they stumbled into the tea party clearing, tugging something between them that was very much an Alice sort of blue. Tarrant squinted at it to try and make it out, but could not from his place at the table. "What brings you here, my friends?"

"I was just sayin'," began Tweedledee, "as how I had remembered-"

"It wasn't you, no way, no how," complained Tweedledum. "_I_ remembered and-"

"No you didn't!"

"Did so!"

"Not so! I remembered, and went to get it, because the Hatter might want it."

"No. I knew it when the queen said it, and I went to get it for Hatter myself."

Hatter, guessing the object they had in their hands was for him, began to be worried for the fabric being pulled between the two boys and interrupted the argument.

"It's quite a lovely… thing you have there. Did you say you brought it for me?"

The Tweedles nodded, and after a dangerous adventure where both of them headed down opposite sides of the table, stretching the blue cloth and ruffles between them, they stopped on either side of Tarrant and presented to him the slightly wrinkled mass.

"For you," Tweedledee began.

"On account of you not having Small Alice's dress thing," Tweedledum added.

"It being, strictly speaking-"

"Not proper-"

"In the queen's opinion-"

"But her wishing that you could have a thing, in spite of the circumstances."

"Contrariwise, her wishing in spite of the circumstances, that you could have a thing."

"Of the Alice."

"Even though she weren't the right Alice."

"Leastwise, not then anyway. Not hardly."

"Said Absolem."

"No. I just said it."

"It were Absolem as said it first!"

"An' I said it just now!"

A miniature fight broke out between the two, but since Tarrant now had what was clearly a dress safe in his own hands, he simply pushed his chair back to help his toes avoid being trampled and let the boys have at it. Tarrant was too absorbed in his own affairs to care what they did to each other, or the tea table.

He had an Alice Thing.

An Alice dress, to be exact. He held it up by its sleeves and examined it excitedly. A whole Alice dress, in need of patching. And he could patch it. He would not even alter too terribly much. It was an Absolutely Alice dress.

Or at least, it should have been. Tarrant frowned as he realized the fabric seemed to be frightened, which Alice things never really were. It was then he realized it was a Hardly Alice dress that was accustomed to an Alice with not quite enough muchness. He would have to fix that. A Hardly Alice dress left alone in a dark rabbit hole in Underland learned to speak for itself, but the only things it seemed it could say were scared, uncertain things. Alice was not scared of Underland. If this were to ever be a proper Alice dress again, for the Alice when she returned, Tarrant would have to take very good care of it and give it some much needed muchness.

"Right," he said, businesslike. "To work."

He left the Tweedles fighting at the tea table and hurried to his workshop. He needed to get started right away if this dress was going to be ready in time for Alice's return.

* * *

_I hope you have enjoyed this foray into the Underlands. _


End file.
